All I Want For Christmas
by Dave Ziegler
Summary: Minako knows just what she wants for Christmas, and nothing will stop her from getting it.


Disclaimer: Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, not me. No money is being made from this fic. It's all for fun. 

Author's Notes: This short story was penned for the ASMR Holiday Challenge 2005, in which it placed third. Make of it what you will. Comments and criticism are always welcomed.

"All I Want For Christmas"  
by Dave Ziegler

It was the night before Christmas, and if tradition stayed its course the suburbs of Juuban would be silent, peaceful, and reflective - a perfect greeting card portrait. The crush of lovers, hawkers, and revelers that swamped downtown with their annual cheer would be kept strictly away. Tradition, however, did not always prevail: a creeping form sneaked through the pristine tumble of fat snowflakes and sharp exchanges fractured the reverent quiet.

"Ar-te-mis! Quit whining before you wake someone up!"

Aino Minako jerked the cage her feline friend was imprisoned in, reinforcing the importance of her hushed order as they neared the Tsukino residence.

"You think I'm going to catch someone's attention?" Artemis was incredulous. "Have you seen yourself, Mina? That outfit screams suspicious."

"Eh?" Minako halted and spun about, blithely ignoring Artemis' harried pleas for mercy. Her eye traveled the sumptuous burgundy velvet and white fur of her hat, evening gloves, thigh-high boots, and mini - it all looked perfectly fine to her. More than fine, in fact. The rainbow cast of the Tsukino's decorative lights made her look like an idol at a Christmas pageant.

Minako giggled lightly. "I don't know what you're talking about, Artemis. It's Christmas Eve. I blend right in." She dropped the cage onto the snow, and retrieved a set of thin wires from her hat's cuff.

"No one's going to mistake you for Santa," Artemis groused. "And you'll never pop that lock. So, let's just forget this whole stupid idea and go home to bed."

The manic twist to Minako's grin intensified as she wrestled with the lock. "Au contraire, fuzzy pear. I've a talent for this. Just a few more seconds and I can give you to Luna, and you can have lots of kitty snuggles, and it'll be the best Christmas ever, and... and... Oh, screw this." Minako tossed the lock picks away and pointed her index finger at the door.

"Wait a minute, Mina!" Artemis yelped. "You're not going to..."

"Crescent Beam!"

A sudden pulse of golden energy surged from Minako's finger and struck the door; it burst inward, nearly rattling the hinges free and coughing smoke from a fist-  
sized hole where the lock once resided. Minako pranced in self-congratulation before seizing Artemis' cage and racing into the house.

Tsukino Kenji and Ikuko were waiting for her. Well, not precisely waiting for, but they were in the living room, gaping at her - from the floor - in front of the Christmas tree - red faced and tangled together. Minako angled her head sideways. Was that a blanket or the tree skirt? Oh wait, that was Mrs. Tsukino's dress.

Her dress?

Minako's eyes grew wide and her cheeks suffused holly berry red. She took a step back before catching herself, and then began frenetically playing with her hair. "Merry Christmas!" she stammered. "Uh... Ho Ho Ho!" Minako blanched and bowed profusely. "Not you Mrs. Tsukino! You're fine! I'm just... jolly. Yeah, jolly old me. And, well, woman to woman, I understand. It's good to be naughty every once and awhile, isn't it? So, um, don't worry yourself at all! Santa approves!"

Minako giggled hysterically. Artemis prayed for an end to his torment. The Tsukinos' bewilderment, if you can imagine, became even more crushing.

"So, anyway," Minako began anew, "Santa's going to finish bestowing her gifts, and you can... well... finish bestowing yours!" She punctuated her prattle with a beatific smile, and then blazed upstairs.

The second floor was dim, but Minako pushed quickly forward. Physical memory guided her through the clutter of the landing, down the hall, and to a stop just outside Usagi's bedroom door. She settled the cage upon the floor and dropped to all fours, drawn to Artemis' luminous eyes.

"Remember," she instructed the cat, "this isn't about you or Luna, Artemis. This is about my Christmas present - your gift to me. And I demand grandchildren!" Stars shone in Minako's eyes. "Fuzzy, cuddly, cute, pink grandchildren that walk and talk and have shiny little moons on their foreheads!" Just as suddenly as her delight manifested, it shriveled away. "No substitutions accepted. We clear?"

"It doesn't work that quickly," Artemis protested. "Besides..."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Minako scooted to her feet, and blew Artemis a kiss. "Don't let me down, Casanova."

"Mina, please..."

"Too late," she grinned. Minako rapped hard on Usagi's door. "Merry Christmas!" she shouted.

"Hey you! What are you doing in my house?"

Instinctively, Minako turned toward the voice. Mr. Tsukino was racing up the stairs, seemingly recovered and fully cognizant. There was a certain quality to his eyes that just didn't seem tuned into the Christmas spirit. "Stop right there!" he called again.

"Uh oh, time for me to beat off. See ya, Artemis!"

Minako scrambled down the hallway and ducked through the first door she came to. The room's increased darkness concerned her less than the incessant thumps of rapidly approaching footsteps. She began to grope for the doorknob, but almost fell backward when an earsplitting scream erupted from outside.

"Why isn't Daddy wearing clothes? Mama!"

Poor Usagi, Minako considered. Sugarplums wouldn't be the only things dancing in her dreams tonight. Aha! Minako seized upon the doorknob and flipped the lock just as Mr. Tsukino's latest demand for her surrender came from just beyond the room.

"Shingo!" Mr. Tsukino yelled, pounding on the door. "Shingo, open up!"

"Shingo?"

A light flared to life and for a few moments all Minako could see was a gradation of grey streaming past her eyes. It cleared quickly though, revealing Shingo sitting up in bed, table lamp on, trying his damnedest to ogle every inch of her at once.

"What a great dream."

"Nope. Not a dream, sweetie," Minako said, racing over to the bed. "But Santa needs your help, okay? Please don't open the door until I've magicked myself away."

Shingo looked from Minako to the door and back. "I can do that, but only if you let me take some pictures," he said, producing a Polaroid from his bedside table. "Three at the minimum." He waggled a trio of fingers to emphasize his point.

"Pictures?" Minako looked quizzically at the young boy. Outside, the banging was becoming more forceful, Mr. Tsukino was yelling for his son, Usagi was screeching about horrific trauma, and somewhere in all the mess Mrs. Tsukino was imploring her husband to put a robe on. "You want to take pictures of me?"

"It'll be the best Christmas gift ever," Shingo lasciviously remarked, already raising the camera.

Minako seized a pillow that had been kicked to the end of the bed and attacked. "Santa doesn't bring gifts to dirty little wankers!" she raged. Her first blow knocked the camera from the boy's hands, while the second connected with his temple. Shingo hunkered against the bed, and threw his hands above his head. "Do you think," Minako ranted, landing hit after hit, "that any girl's gonna like you if all you do is stare at her exceptionally nice legs or perfect bosom?"

"Ow! Stop," Shingo pleaded. "Please!"

"Answer Santa, little boy!" Minako cackled.

"Shingo! Shingo, I'll save you!" Mr. Tsukino bellowed. The barrage against the door seemed to redouble.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Didn't do anything? Ha!" Minako continued her flurry of attacks. "Admit your guilt! Or do you really want to find out what 'you better be good for goodness sake' means?"

"No!"

"No what? Tell Santa exactly what you mean!"

"No, she won't like me!" Shingo cried.

Minako tossed the pillow away and deserted the bed. "Let that be a lesson to you," she advised, unlatching the window and throwing it up. The sudden gust of wintry air caused her to shiver. "Santa'll be watching very closely this year. So, no more perverted behavior, or else..." The graven menace of those last words had Shingo nodding in spite of himself.

Pleased with her holiday redemption of Shingo, which had been easily managed with absolutely no angels or spirits present, Minako sat upon the sill, tapped the side of her nose, nodded, and threw herself through the window. She gave a startled shriek as she slapped against the screen, snapped it free of its moorings, and tumbled to the snow below.

"That hurt," Minako complained, as she slowly crawled to her feet. Her face felt like it had been pushed through a sieve, her clothes were wet, and between a painful ache and the snow that had crept up her skirt, her bum was filing several complaints.

"Don't move!" Mr. Tsukino dangled from the window, waving his fists emphatically.

His voice propelled Minako into motion. She dashed out into the street and down a house before turning around and waving to the commotion of people at the Tsukino's window. "Merry Christmas to all," she called out to them, "and to all a good flight!"

CHRISTMAS DAY

"Usagi-chan! Luna! You shouldn't have!" Minako gushed, eyeing up the large glittering parcel. The paper was a lovely red foil with images of Santa Claus dotting its surface, and it caught the morning light with such spectacle it almost seemed shameful to destroy it.

"Not at all, Minako-chan. We're good friends, aren't we?" Usagi asked, a large smile plastered across her face. "Besides, Luna and I both agree you really deserve this."

"May I?" Minako pleaded. It was big. It was shiny. It was for her. It needed to be opened now!

"Go ahead."

Minako needed no further prompting and tore into the wrapping with fervor. When all the flying paper had fluttered to the ground, the solider of Venus held a large cage propped on her lap.

Artemis looked sadly out at her. "They re-gifted me," he muttered.

The End


End file.
